Is Your Libido Actually Low? (And What You Can Do About It)

Spoiler: You might not have the problem you think you have.

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If you're wondering whether your sex drive is low—and whether there's anything you can do about it—you're not alone.

Literally millions of women of all ages are struggling with concerns and questions about their libido.

But here's what nobody tells you: A very savvy and profitable medical industry has sprung up around convincing women that our libido is low, then offering us the very drugs that will fix our problems.

This idea is unwittingly reinforced by the oversexualization of women in the media at nearly every turn.

So a lot of us think we have a problem that we really don't have.

At Good Kitty, we believe in getting to the root of what's actually going on—not just accepting the pharmaceutical narrative that there's something wrong with you that needs "fixing."

Let's figure this out.

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Is Your Libido Actually Low?

Here's the first question you need to ask yourself:

What is making you question the state of your sex drive?

Because here's the truth: There is no definition of what constitutes "normal" libido, or how often you "should be" wanting to have sex.

It's up to YOU to decide what's normal for YOU.

🐱 Important Distinctions:

Sex drive (libido) = How often you think about sex, fantasize about it, or spontaneously want it.

Sexual enjoyment = How much pleasure you experience when you do have sex.

Here's what matters: There's no connection between having a low sex drive and enjoying sex when you do have it.

Translation: You can have a low baseline desire but still thoroughly enjoy sex when it happens.

So if your level of sex drive isn't bothering you, and it's not getting in the way of enjoying sex or your partner's satisfaction in the relationship—you may not have a problem at all.

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When "Low Libido" Is Really About Expectations

Some women are completely happy with their level of sex drive, but their partner is complaining that they are not having sex enough.

This is especially common:

• With couples who have just had babies
• In long-term relationships
• Right before periods (when hormones naturally dip)
• During high-stress life phases

In these cases, the "problem" isn't your libido—it's mismatched expectations or communication.

Discussing expectations and finding ways to meet each other's needs can often resolve the tension without needing to "fix" your sex drive.

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When Low Libido Actually IS a Problem

If you feel you have lost your previous level of desire, or it isn't where you want it to be, here are some questions to ask yourself:

🔍 The Investigation:

✔️ Has there been a recent change in your libido? When was it higher? What changed?

✔️ Are you having any medical symptoms? Fatigue, dry skin, weight gain, hair loss, mood changes?

✔️ What's going on in your personal life?

• New baby?
• Caring for an elderly relative?
• Trouble with children?
• Work stress?
• Other major stressors?

✔️ What do you believe might be contributing to this decrease?

✔️ And perhaps most importantly: How is your relationship with your partner?

These questions help identify whether your "low libido" is:

• A medical issue
• A stress response
• A relationship issue
• A normal life phase adjustment

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Medical Causes of Low Libido

Libido is profoundly influenced by:

• Our sense of personal well-being
• Our physical health
• Our hormones
• Stress levels
• Relationship happiness

It's less commonly caused by an actual medical problem.

However, there are some common medical causes that are important to "rule out":

🚨 Medical Causes to Investigate:

Hypothyroidism

• Low thyroid function significantly impacts libido
• Often accompanied by fatigue, weight gain, dry skin, hair loss
• Easily diagnosed with blood work

Hormonal imbalances

• Low estrogen (especially during perimenopause/menopause or postpartum)
• Low testosterone (yes, in women—it's essential for sex drive)
• Progesterone imbalances

Depression

• Can kill libido completely
• Often undiagnosed or undertreated
• May be situational or biochemical

Medications

• Hormonal birth control (a major culprit)
• Antidepressants (especially SSRIs)
• Antipsychotics
• Beta-blockers
• Many others can affect libido

Alcohol use

• Regular overconsumption dampens desire
• (An occasional glass of red wine, however, can stimulate desire)

Other medical conditions

• Diabetes
• Chronic pain conditions
• Autoimmune diseases

Vaginal or pelvic issues

• Pain during sex
• Vaginal dryness
• Burning or irritation
• Vaginal spasms (vaginismus)
• UTI anxiety (fear of infection after sex)

Surgeries

• Hysterectomy
• Any surgery affecting nerve sensation in the pelvis or vagina

Important note: None of these are insurmountable with supportive treatment.

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Hormones and Stress: The Big Players

🌙 Cyclic Hormonal Changes

We are more biologically inclined to desire sex when we're fertile.

Like many women in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, you might find that your desire for sex drops in the days leading up to and during your period.

This is a common response to dips in certain sex hormones in the second half of your menstrual cycle.

If low libido starts more than a few days before your period and doesn't rebound at the end of it, you might be experiencing more profound hormone dips.

Simple hormone testing and targeted foods, herbs, and supplements can help balance your hormones.

👶 Postpartum and Breastfeeding

New and breastfeeding moms often find that interest in sex is way down.

This is due to:

• Hormonal changes (low estrogen, high prolactin)
• Fatigue (you're exhausted)
• Overwhelming demands of caring for a baby
• Fear of pain (if you had tearing or episiotomy)
• Body image changes
• Shift in identity and priorities

Thyroid problems can also reduce libido and are common in the first year after giving birth.

This is temporary. Your libido will return—but it requires patience, communication, and support.

🔥 Perimenopause and Menopause

Libido varies widely during menopause and in the years leading up to it.

Most women report a decrease in sex drive, due to:

• Hormonal changes (declining estrogen and testosterone)
• Vaginal dryness making sex uncomfortable
• Hot flashes and sleep disruption
• Long-term relationship dynamics
• Personal stressors

However: Loss of interest in and pleasure from sex are NOT inevitable functions of aging.

Good nutrition, a healthy lifestyle, vaginal estrogen (if appropriate), and finding new ways to nurture your relationship can all help you maintain an active, pleasurable sex life.

And even if your drive is down, remember: Your enjoyment can be just as great. You might just need to remind your partner to help initiate the fun and games.

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Happiness, Relationship Satisfaction, and Libido

Most problems with sex drive have nothing at all to do with a medical problem.

Stress and relationship issues rank highest as underlying causes for women.

💗 Why Connection Matters:

Women are wired to connect. It's generally that sense of connection to a partner that sparks sexual desire.

In new relationships:

• Just the thought or sight of your beloved might ignite spontaneous desire
• Everything feels exciting and novel
• Chemistry is off the charts

In long-term relationships:

• That initial spark may have waned with time
• Appearance changes, entrenched relationship issues, familiarity
• BUT: Studies show that for women in long-term relationships, desire is more likely to be triggered by your partner's desire for you

Translation: Your libido may be lower, but once you get some incentive, you're all systems go.

This is responsive desire—and it's completely normal.

💔 When Relationships Need Tending:

Often, relationships just need some deep tending.

Sometimes we have to admit when we've gone as far as we can and do the hard work of ending a relationship that's not working.

But it's amazing what you can do with dedicated attention to reinvigorate love and passion—especially when both partners are willing and eager to try.

Knowing that your partner's desire for you is a real turn-on can be an icebreaker if things are getting chilly in your sexual relationship.

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7 Tips for Rebooting Your Sex Drive

If you used to be much more interested in sex, have noticed a decline in your desire, and want to feel that spark again—there are solutions.

🐱 1. Rule Out Medical Causes

Work with an integrative physician, nurse practitioner, or naturopath who can help you sort out whether you have underlying medical, nutritional, and lifestyle imbalances.

Get tested for:

• Thyroid function
• Hormone levels (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone)
• Vitamin D, B12, iron
• Blood sugar regulation

Your care provider can also help you with:

• Treatments for vaginal dryness
• Pelvic or vaginal pain
• UTI prevention (like Good Kitty's UTI Biome Shield)
• Other physical obstacles to enjoying sex

🐱 2. Tend to Stress

Chronic stress is a libido killer.

Strategies:

• Relaxation techniques (meditation, breathwork, yoga)
• Improved sleep (aim for 7-9 hours)
• Necessary lifestyle changes (saying no, delegating, setting boundaries)
• Regular exercise (but not excessive—overtraining kills libido)

🐱 3. Address Medication Side Effects

If you suspect your medication is affecting your libido:

• Talk to your doctor about alternatives
• Adjust dosing or timing
• Consider non-pharmaceutical options if appropriate

Common culprits:

• Hormonal birth control
• SSRIs (antidepressants)
• Beta-blockers

Don't stop medications without medical guidance.

🐱 4. Do at Least 2 Things Every Day to Make Yourself Feel Sexy

This is a surefire way to fan your flame.

Ideas:

• Wear slinky underwear (even if only you know about it)
• Wear red (associated with sexuality and confidence)
• Treat yourself to a delicious sensual bath
• Use a luxurious body oil or lotion
• Dance to music you love
• Read or watch something erotic
• Touch yourself (not necessarily to orgasm—just to feel good in your body)

The goal: Reconnect with your sensual self.

🐱 5. Get Support

Individual and/or relationship counseling can be transformative.

Work with a sex therapist if sexual issues are the primary concern.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) maintains a directory: asect.org

🐱 6. Use Foods, Herbs, and Supplements

Many natural options support libido by:

• Supporting your nervous system
• Regulating hormones
• Improving circulation
• Reducing stress

Examples:

• Maca root (hormone balancing)
• Ashwagandha (stress reduction, hormone support)
• Ginkgo biloba (circulation)
• Omega-3 fatty acids (hormone production)
• Vitamin D (mood and hormone regulation)
• Zinc (testosterone production)

For detailed guidance, see Dr. Aviva Romm's book Hormone Intelligence.

🐱 7. Exercise

Exercise stimulates libido and enhances pelvic circulation and health.

Try exercising 30-60 minutes before you hope to get it on.

Types that particularly boost libido:

• Strength training (increases testosterone)
• Yoga (increases body awareness and reduces stress)
• Dancing (connects you to your body and sensuality)

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When Hormonal Therapies Make Sense

Hormonal therapies such as testosterone and estrogen can be considered, however these can have side effects so are usually reserved for when other approaches haven't worked.

Options:

• Vaginal estrogen (for dryness and tissue health)
• Systemic estrogen (for menopausal symptoms)
• Testosterone therapy (for women with documented low levels)
• DHEA (a hormone precursor)

Always work with a knowledgeable provider who can monitor your levels and adjust as needed.

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The Bottom Line

A healthy sex life is a really important part of overall health.

But remember: There is no external measure of what counts as healthy sex drive.

What counts is what is healthy and satisfying to YOU.

✔️ Key Takeaways:

• You might not actually have "low libido"—you might have mismatched expectations or normal responsive desire
• Medical causes should be ruled out (thyroid, hormones, medications, health conditions)
• Stress and relationship issues are the most common culprits
• Your libido naturally fluctuates with life stages (menstrual cycle, postpartum, menopause)
• Responsive desire (needing a spark to get going) is completely normal for many women
• Solutions exist—from addressing root causes to rekindling relationship connection
• What matters is YOUR satisfaction, not some arbitrary standard

You're not broken. You're not abnormal. You're human—and your sexuality is uniquely yours.

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— Meghan Carozza
Co-Founder & Chief Experience Officer, Good Kitty Co.

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Concerned about UTI anxiety affecting your sex drive? Good Kitty's UTI Biome Shield helps eliminate the fear that kills desire—so you can focus on pleasure, not worry.

Want to explore libido-supporting strategies? Check out Dr. Aviva Romm's Hormone Intelligence for comprehensive guidance on hormone balance and sexual wellness.

Need relationship support? Find a certified sex therapist at AASECT.org

Note: This article is for educational purposes. Always consult with a healthcare provider about personal health concerns, especially before starting new supplements or treatments.